Today was a bit rough. Mostly emotional stuff. I find it so fascinating how the emotional triggers in our lives are full speed ahead during a cleanse. I know this is because we are on a more sensitive and intuitive plane.
As most of you know, my dog, Bailey, has liver cancer. I chose to stay in Colorado instead of heading home in September to be here for her (and the other 2 animals of mine that are ill as well) when she chooses the time to move on in her celestial existence. That's not to say that being a part of the process is any easier because it certainly is not. There is nothing more upsetting than the feeling of helplessness for the ones you love dearly.
I awoke feeling refreshed after a delightful sleeping in day. I knew after about 10 mins upon rising that something was...astray in the energy of the day. Within in 20 minutes of that feeling I was on the way to the vet. Bailey was not doing well. With liver cancer its a bit of a waiting game. Her life is one of quality and contentment. There are days though when you wonder, "is this the day"? After 4 hours of waiting, xrays, ultrasounds, samples, and vet jargon, she got to come home.
At this point Ive had an apple and a large coconut water. Im preoccupied with my baby girl yet feeling very clear headed and strangely calm over the mornings incident. I met up with a dear friend of mine for a yoga class and then had some energy work done. I nibbled on gogi berries and cacao nibs, maybe 1 large handful tops, 6 dates, and a pear after yoga. At about 4pm Im feeling the need to stuff myself but not out of hunger, more out of not wanting to deal with my emotional sensitivities within the moment. I made myself a blueberry cherry banana smoothie with cacao and coconut, about 16 ounces. It was heavenly and I think I would have had more but I was pleasantly stuffed. (see recipe below)
I took the time to sit and collect myself from the days happenings. 830p and Bailey is getting worse. I wont get into the details of her decline but I will tell you it is now 330am, Im up watching her, crying, and still strangely calm in the midst of it all. I wonder if it has to do with sheer exhaustion, a mothers love, the fact that a decline is to be expected, or is it because my system doesnt have alot of gunk to weigh me down, causing me ignorance of what is being presented to me? Perhaps a little bit of it all...
I had a 1/4 cup of blueberries just now. Intermittent sleeping spells has my metabolism out of whack but who can sleep in a time like this? I want every moment possible with my sweet girl. Moments are precious and as I watch her slowly move towards Gods embrace I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. She is the best Jack Russel ever. Never have I met a being so dedicated, devoted, and full of love. She tells me she knows I love her and that its going to be ok. I weep and repeat how much I adore her in return. Nothing like a dogs love, companionship, friendship, and utter connection.
So yeah, day 2 has been long. I cant say I havent been tempted today with brownies at the vet office or cinnamon strudel at my moms, but I resisted temptation. No sense in being weak. Im better than that, and although my heart is sad, my body feels really good, clean, and aware.
Smoothie (organic always) recipe:
5tbs blueberries
4tbs cherries
2 small bananas
1.5 tbs cacao powder
1tbs coconut butter
1 cup water (more as needed per desired consistency)
BLEND and ENJOY!!
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